at 3:30 a.m.

the prego insomnia again... so i tossed and turned, which isn't that easy anymore. it's a big lift (usually with sound effects), flop, and drop. and when a bunch of that didn't help, i decided to forego sleep and read. i'm reading Things to Bring, S#!t to Do...and other inventories of anxiety, by karen rizzo, which is basically a life in lists and which is so much fun to read because i also love my lists (thanks, mom!). and then, of course, with all this pent-up pregnancy insomnia, i had to start my own list...

at 3:30 a.m. (in the middle of the night), this i what i do:

• read and decide to make my own list on the tiniest piece of paper ever
• heave ho and get up and pace and rub my sciatica-needled left cheek, but it doesn't really help
• blow my nose like fifty times (i'm such an old man)
• listen to the cars occasionally going by and wonder who the hell is up so early
• without my glasses on, chase and try to smoosh one of our closet moths, which i used to think were a myth until they showed up in our closet, ate a few of ed's sweaters, and are now taking flight throughout the house
• pet my cat with my foot
• pee at least three times
• miss my husband who's been gone for work for the past three nights
• think about LEO (yes, that's his name)
• stare at the clock and think it must be 6 by now, or at least 5, please god
• clear my throat a million times (i'm totally my grandma)
• stare
• change sides of the bed because i can
• feel leo effortlessly floating, lightly bouncing off my interiors
• wish for sleep
• think about how long it's been since i visited my great aunt and decide i better go soon because i miss her
• think about death and worry; i don't want anyone else i love to die
• worry about several other people, places, and things i can't control or fix
• decide a pepsi over ice would be so very good but lay lazily without it
• consider getting up and doing some work but lay lazily and don't
• wish to god i had some six feet under in the house and remember i'm mad at ed for moving that wildebeest movie to the top of our netflix queue while trying to schmooze our three-year old the other day, thus bumping my movie picks down
• wish i could become an artist because it burns inside me, but i can't paint or draw or sculpt or sew
• follow and scratch a traveling itch all over my body (bed bugs? shiver)
• wish i was dreaming
• half hope that clyde will come climb into bed with me and want to talk, but i already sent him back to his bed when he woke me at the top of this list
• think about the deep master plots behind LOST! and project runway
• wonder how i got from the me then to the me now and figure i didn't turn out so badly
• read some more and finally sleep until i wake up to clyde singing in his bed, "head, shoulders, knees, and toes!!!" at the top of his lungs

Comments

[hollymama]

this is probably one of my top three posts you have ever written. i hope you don't lose the rights to this stuff by blogging it. i think i have a crush-hahahaha.

[Tracy]

Lost and Project Runway were both great last night -- definitely worthy of making your list. And Leo is a nice pick - sounds strong but not in a burly football player way - more like strong yet creative and sensitive.

[Loni]

Ohhhhh dear can I relate! I can laugh and cry with you here. I am 16 weeks along and having the insomnia and the restless leg stuff. It can drive me nuts! I can fall right to sleep when I hit the pillow, get two hours of sound, sound sleep, and then. . . hello world! My mind runs a lot like yours during this time. Thanks for sharing this!

Loni - pregnant with 12th blessing at age 43!

[Gillian]

Oooooh, Leo! I think of West Wing.

[Dara]

if i hear the wiggles sing head, shoulders, knees and toes one more time i may just lose my mind! of course it will be cute and all that when my almost two-year old can sing all the words together instead of just one or two of them at a time. sorry you had to awake to that! ;) can relate to making lists, although lately they have remained lists with nothing ever coming of them. too busy with my 2-month old, with yes, his first double ear infection, which is causing my insomnia, along with thinking about quitting my stupid job and focusing on family and then getting geared up for freelance work. or maybe I'll just sit and veg - who knows!

[Melissa]

I think my favorite part of this is doing the list on a tiny piece of paper. If I had a nickel for every time I started making a list on like, a gum wrapper, or the last blank area on an already totally used up piece of paper, I'd have five bucks by now.

Miss you, but, be seeing you so soon!

[suzanne]

You stole my list! LOL