bittersweet

a few days ago, my husband came home with a tiny blue onesie from the scharffen berger chocolate factory that says "bittersweet." i don't think he really thought about it when he bought it, but i can't think of another word that better defines my current pregnancy and all the months before.

today was no different. i had a pretty darn big scare. spotting. at 14 weeks along. after two miscarriages in the six months' previous, i was pretty friggin' freaked. at the doctor's office, we got a heartbeat and doc said it's probably nothing. of course, to me it feels like just another snag in what i hope is going to end in a healthy baby. you know, every little glitch (and there have been others, but that's a post for another day), makes me feel more anxious and doomed.

it was another freaky doctor's visit too. from the snarky receptionist talking about her evil boss to the speed freak medical assistant who practically blew the "it's about time you ate right and exercised, fatso!" brochures off the wall every time she went back out into the hall, which was at least four times. because speed freaks also have ADD, i think. and they couldn't find my medical file, and i heard one assistant say, "oh yeah. she's the one who's had more than a few pregnancies that ended in loss, and her main file accidentally got sent to records with one of the previous pregnancies." MORE THAN A FEW? god, they make me sound like a frenzied breeding whore. i'm just trying to have one more kid here, people. don't worry i'm not overpopulating the earth...

overhearing any of your living labels is never any fun.

thank god the day ended on a good note. a bittersweet one. but at least i am still pregnant today. after all, that's why i've gotten pregnant more than a few times, you know? to stay friggin' pregnant. more than a few minutes.

craving of the day: lipton iced tea with lemon (i got a 12-pack; i drank two)

Comments

[Melissa]

I love the craving of the day: I will be back to see this tomorrow and look forward to finding out what the baby's eating! And you are right about labels. I work in fundraising, and our labels for folks are pretty awful and we never have to see anyone naked. I can't imagine what medical professionals call us all behind our backs, or, in front of our faces, as it were.

[Sheri]

you know i did the cravings just for you!

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Awesome Sheri. I hate those damn receptionists - sometimes they seem worse than a jailguard. "All I want is my lab results [b*tch]" -

"Sorry maam. We've been instructed to keep them under lock and key until your dr, who is in FRANCE, can personally give them to you" (just so happens I haven't seen her in 5 months...) Yeah. Like that makes total sense. Can I speak with a nurse now?

Wah.

[GraceD]

Bravo to you on your first ClubMom post. Bravo again for linking to 'Bust' (YAHHH!) I look forward to your posts here and will be spending the rest of the evening reading through the mamazine archives.

Cravings - yes, the cravings. How does the fancy chocolate go down with the Lipton's? Don't answer that; there's no accounting for taste when you're pregnant.

All the best to you,
GraceD

[tracey]

That brought back memories. When I was bleeding (profusly) at 8 weeks, the doctor said for me to go home and just rest while nature took it course one way or the other (waah). The warm-fuzzy nurse slammed my file down on the receptionist's desk and said (really loud), "She's miscarrying." Gulp. I mumbled, "Um, well, while I wait to see what happens, should I avoid anything?" She looks up at me and says snidely, "You can do whatever you want. Well, except maybe horse-back ride."
WHAT THE?
Insensitivity should be grounds for termination (disregard the pun) in the OB office.